Have you imagined losing someone that means everything to you ? Can you imagine you find the one that you love suddenly disappears the next day? Or he leaves you ? Or he finds someone else ? Someone that makes you laugh, makes you happy, suddenly changes 180 degree the next day ? 

That's how I feel right now, how after everything that we've been through, i mean nothing to him ? I just can't imagine that kind of feeling. If only we could set up someone's feeling , If only we could hold them like a money, we can see whether they are real or not. But then by doing so, we lean on our own strength, because "Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight" 

 I pray to God everyday, you know what's amazed me from God ? I know I can talk to Him about anything, just anything, I can talk about silly things, my fears, what happen today , just anything to Him, just like a child sharing her story to her parents, that's how I talk to God, but yah, I know it's hard, it needs FAITH, because you're talking to someone that you can't see, that may not directly talk to you, or whisper to your ear, but as 2 Corinthians 5:7 says "We live by faith not by sight" . Lately, I've been receiving tons of negativity from people around me, like everything I do isn't good, isn't right, it puts me under pressure and sometimes it distracts me from God , 1 Corinthians 2 : 5 So that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. 

I'm afraid that how if someone that's close with me isn't the right one , so many doubts, insecurities, fears, I pray to God that He shows and leads me to the right way, if he's not the one then let it be, don't let my sadness, broken heart, etc drift me away from Him because I know Phillipians 2 : 13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. I know God's in control. Each person that comes to our life is God's gift, God has something that He wants to deliver to us through those people,  Romans 8 :28 And we know that in all things(Good&Bad) God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Happiness Comes from a Pair of Jelly Sandals

Today I bought a pair of transparent Jelly Sandals and i'm so happpppyyy!

I asked my friends what they think about it and all said they are ugly and some said so weird haha. But i don't know i like it so much! It's comfy and so simple and so clean and also so vintage haha. I don't care what they say I'm happy with my choice :p 

Then this story reminds me of 2 weeks of my gloomy days. I've been so gloomy eversince I came back from Indonesia like I think a lot and everything just distracted me from God. I've been thinking negatively about my friends, school, boy, etc and now , tonight I've just realized that's not me at all like totally not me. The most unbelievable thing is that I felt like people that are close with me don't love me sincerely and they were just being fake. I felt like all these times I love them so much but why they acted like that? And I started to think that if I feel disappointed with them that means I don't love them sincerely enough because God says "With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love" ( Ephesians 4:2). I should love them without hoping they love me back (That's my flesh still fail :) ) because that's how Jesus loves me, He loves me just the way I am, He loves me because He wants to not because I love Him first. 

Then about boy, yaah so I heard rumors that saying he likes someone that I know haha and it did hurt me and I started to feel like I'm ugly I'm nothing I'm not pretty I just compared myself to her everything I say every thoughts that came up all just negativity and I feel like Wow, I'm not being grateful at all "For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving" (1 Timothy 4:4), 

So yaaah all my negative thoughts definitely saying that I didn't respect God's creature. And from this jelly shoes, I learn a lot, that we shouldn't judge someone by his/her appearances, as my friends said that this is ugly but they maybe havent seen how beautiful it is if I wear it with right clothes, and I feel happy and it fits me well and yah I feel good :) It's just like what's important is not what people think about you but the most important thing is how You are in front of God. And you are worthy and you are loved and you are everything to Him, He sacrificed His Son to wash away your and my sins, there's no greater love than this.