There's only one week left. I really don't wanna think about next week. I'm starting to feel so mournful and sad. Like, i just don't know how to describe my feeling right now, i'm not ready at all to let go everything that i have here. I will miss my chinese tutor, like she has been teaching me since i was 8 or 9 , and now i'm 17 years old, that's crazy right?! She is the best and she knows me very well. I will miss my parents as well but you know there's a difference between parents that will always be there for you no matter what and they are like continuously has a relation with you that will never end no matter how far you are with them. I just feel so sad you know, it's hard to break out your comfort zone and reach your dreams, you have to sacrifice a lot, including your feelings. I'm feeling so anxious right now, i wanna cry but i can't and i don't want to.

So today is your birthday

I'm thinking of you

You've been my friend in history

Past, present, and future

Dance among the ribbons of the birthday balloons 

Smile through the lit candles

Sing to the classing happy tune

Eat the cake of wishes

Spin among the music and laughter in your perfect dress

Within you I've found the perfect friend

Someone who I know will be there till the end

Still as the wind on a hot summer's day

Still as your friendship I'll never betray

Within you I've found the perfect friend

A mind that i can comprehend

A person i see is so much like me

With whom I can be real and never pretend

Happy Birthday Gloria Setia Utama. I've posted the same thing last year on your birthday too here ;) So this is the 2nd. I can't attend your birthday party that's so sad. I'm leaving on the day you will be celebrating your once in a life time' moment. But I wish the party would go so well and I bet you will look soooo prettttttty later. Eventho we're not as close as we used to be but still you've got a special place in my heart , no one can replace you. You are my very first friend when i first came to this world. I just feel so sad that i can't spend a lot of time with you before i'm leaving. Come to melbourne yah we'll hang out and have fun. I wish nothing but yes, the very best for you, for your future & your present. May Jesus bless you and guide you, every move that you make every step that you take may Him bless and protect you. I'll see you soon! 

I love you , 

It's official, i'm leaving for melbourne on september 28th. I'm actually good enough at pretending how excited i'm to move , but i'm struggling inside my heart , i don't really feel like leaving at all. I wanna be here with my parents and my sisters. Well, im typing this with tears running down my cheeks, haha weird but yes it's getting harder day by day. I've never been so far away for a long time from my family esp. my mom. I'm positioning myself now closer to my parents especially my mom bcs it's a natural thing that daughter is closer to mom but that doesn't make me love my dad any less. 

I've just got my visa done about 3 days ago and today i bought the tixs to melb. I've got everything that i need later, but i don't know, my heart's shaking and doubting the leaving as everything's well prepared. I saw how my mom and dad work so hard to fly me away to college and all the efforts they have made for me is priceless, it can't be measured by anything in this world. They are so busy preparing everything for me, like i don't know what to do without them. Actually i kinda get annoyed everytime they tell me to study hard, deep deep deep inside my heart i've made myself promises , i've made commitments that i have to be successful later, no excuses. I will pay off all my parents sacrifices later, i know i can't pay off their love, but at least i wanna make them proud of me, and all the sacrifices they've made must not go waste.

I hate to think about next 3,5 years when i've finished my bachelor degree, i'm going to be a 20 year old girl(?) no i don't want to be called a woman or lady because it makes me feel like i'm not a kid anymore that can sleep right beside my mom cuddle with her and do stuffs that i used to do. I'm forever my parents' little girl. I hate growing up , but that's part of life. 

I hope that when i leave there will be no tears , like please... ? i'm begging... I'm leaving for good, for college , you guys should be happy for me, i don't want to leave with burdens in my heart, I want you to be excited for me as well. I mean it if you cry i will be soooo saaaaaaaad to leave, so please, don't cry please... I want everyone to be happy like for once in my life please... It will become harder for me to leave if you guys cry and don't wanna let me go... i know you guys don't wanna let me go but please at least pretend like you want. Especially for my parents, they will accompany me there for a week and mom please don't cry yah, enjoy your life here, be happy, and don't worry because i will be fine ;) just keep doing what you like to do, go to salon, go shopping, hang out with your friends, acupuncture :) And dad, keep diving and going to diving places that you've been dreaming of, but don't go to loonggg ! And dad, don't smoke too often, i want you to concern your health :) And for my sisters, keep being crazy and touching each other' ass ! haha YOLO! So please no cry yah be excited and happy for me please, please , please, if you don't want me to leave with burdens in my heart then please don't cry, together we celebrate my leaving for good with laughters and smile ;) I'll be back on december kok, and i'll be going home very often i promise, you guys don't come here please, the tix is very expensive and the hotel too so it will be better if i myself come home ;) I just hope you guys see this post and promise that you won't cry! :)) 

Wedding

"I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home."

Talking about wedding, it's every woman's dream. Once in a life time, finding your prince that you've been waiting for so long.For me i interpret wedding as a fairy tale that comes true. I've always been imagining about what my wedding will look like later. I'm 17 yo now, i do wanna walk down the aisle when i turn 23 - 25 yo hopefully i've achieved everything that i've been dreaming of, careers, job, etc. I love wedding, it is like a happily after after story does exist and I feel like you're a princess living in your castle with your prince. I wanna put on the best wedding dress ever, cut my wedding cake, say "I do", vow, and kiss my husband. I wanna get married in tuscany, italy. 

 

Pretty much inspired by breaking dawn movie haha. But i swear, breaking dawn is so romantic, bella and edward are beyond sweet, hopefully my husband will treat me like edward treats bella hehehe. I wanna have 2 kids boy and girl but i put everything in God' hands, if He gave me one, it's ok , gave me 4? Say thanks ;) Oh i want some of yiruma songs played on my wedding day ;;) And a thousand years too by christina perri ! I so can't wait for my wedding day, and for my happily ever after story to come true...

When two different worlds collide -

"The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained" 

I was watching selena gomez and demi lovato' video and suddenly i missed someone. I do feel disappointed in her for so many reasons but everytime i look back at our pictures , our memories , i just really miss that moments, i really miss when i was still your only one. I miss being silly with you, sharing stories, telling secrets, and so on. And i found selena gomez' quote about her fight with demi :

"I believe in second chances, but I don’t believe in third or fourth chances. I love talking through things, and I always want to make things work, if I really love someone, but eventually, if they can’t fix whatever is wrong, or if they’ve done something and then they continue to do it, they’re probably not going to change for anybody. You can’t change a person.."

Tadaa, this is a bit late but I wanna share my best time ever! I went to villa last wednesday with my best friends, I had the best timeeee evah! There were no maids no drivers, just all of us, group of teens. We cleaned the rooms, we prepared everything all by ourselves. I learned how to cook an instant noodle ;;) my first time, don't laugh yes I can't even turn on a stove soo i'm proud of myself ! That time was really precious and unforgettable. I was a bit annoying at the beginning because there were a lot of insects, which are my biggest enemy and I have a bit automysophobia syndrome , fear of being dirty haha yaa for some people this kind of behavior is so annoying they think you're so high-class , arrogant, and coquettish, but i'm so lucky to have friends that know me so well, they helped me to clean dirty things around me <3 And another fun thing is, I got a ride on a motorcycle by my friend wooo it's been a long time as my parents don't allow me to be on a motorcycle, I felt the wind the sunshine, i felt so gooood, the fresh air went into my lungs. I will never forget that day !

Common, Simple, Beautiful Lyrics

Don't you agree
When they all say
"Home is where the heart is."
But do you see
With every step that you take,
You get further away
From where the heart is.

It's so easy to be blinded
& caught up in the clouds where everything's in a haze
Causing you to forget about the days,
Of the common, simple, beautiful ways.

I remember all the times that I had spent with my friends.
Taking BART to San Francisco just for 350 cents.
Talking, laughing, joking - didn't quite k now what was to come.
Years of memories, irreplaceable fun.

I remember telling mom that I'd make her proud one day.
She would smile and knew exactly all the right things to say.
Man, I miss her & can't wait till I get back to the bay.
Back to the common, simple, beautiful ways.

Isn't it nice,
To simply know,
There's somewhere you can go back to.
So it's a big sacrifice
Everytime that you decide
You can't even if you want to.

It's so easy to be blinded
& caught up in the clouds where everything's in a haze
Causing you to forget about the days,
Of the common, simple, beautiful ways.

I remember all the times that I had spent with my friends.
Taking BART to San Francisco just for 350 cents.
Talking, laughing, joking - didn't quite k now what was to come.
Years of memories, irreplaceable fun.

I remember telling mom that I'd make her proud one day.
She would smile and knew exactly all the right things to say.
Man, I miss her & can't wait till I get back to the bay.
Back to the common, simple, beautiful ways.

So even though,
I am happy now,
I'll never forget where I'm from & how I came to be.

What was common, ended up to be
A very unique treasure I have now decided to keep.

I remember all the times that I had spent with my friends.
Taking BART to San Francisco just for 350 cents.
Talking, laughing, joking - didn't quite k now what was to come.
Years of memories, irreplaceable fun.

I remember telling mom that I'd make her proud one day.
She would smile and knew exactly all the right things to say.
Man, I miss her & can't wait till I get back to the bay.
Back to the common, simple, beautiful ways.

I've just found this beautiful song. I was touched by this song you know, "Home where the heart is". I'm heading to Australia this october , and you know time flies so fast and the closer you are to the day, you feel like you are unprepared and not ready to leave your life here, your family, your friends, especially your mom and dad. I was so excited to go to Australia for studying but the closer i'm to that day , i just feel like can i save more time? can i have some times with my mom ? with my dad? with my sisters? I guess this is what ppl say "Life begins when you leave your comfort zone" Moving to australia is a big step for me the first time i will be soo far with my family , living without maids, drivers, cars, etc are a big difference for me. But its all about chasing your dreams and making your parents proud of you :') " Isn't it nice to simply know there's somewhere you can go back to"